SOTOMAYOR TELLS THE NINE TO UN-FUCK THE LAW
The liberal justice is officially tired of the court's recent fan-fiction version of the Constitution.
LISTEN UP YOU BLACK-ROBED GHOULS 👻 🏛️ ⚖️ JUSTICE SONYA THE SLAYER 👑 💅 JUST DROPPED A NUCLEAR TRUTH BOMB 💣 💥 AT MOUNT VERNON 🏡 🇺🇸 AND SHE IS NOT PLAYING GAMES 🙅♀️ 🚫 🎲 SHE LOOKED AT THE 2024 IMMUNITY RULING 👑 🛡️ THAT BASICALLY TURNED THE OVAL OFFICE INTO A KINGDOM 🏰 🤴 AND SAID IT IS STRAIGHT UP CRAZY 🤪 🤡 📉 SHE WANTS THAT GARBAGE OVERTURNED 🗑️ 🔄 🚮 AND HONESTLY 💅 💅 WE ARE HERE FOR THE CHAOS 🌪️ 🍿 🥤 SHE IS DISSENTING SO HARD 🗣️ 📢 😤 THE MARBLE FLOORS ARE SHAKING 🏛️ 🫨 🧱 WHILE THE REST OF THE COURT IS BUSY EATING PAINT CHIPS 🎨 🥣 🧠 SONYA IS THE ONLY ONE WITH A BRAIN CELL LEFT 🧠 💡 ⚡️ WE ARE TIRED OF THE KING-MAKING 👑 🚫 📉 WE WANT ACCOUNTABILITY 👮♂️ ⚖️ ⛓️ NOT A ROYAL DECREE 📜 👑 💅 KEEP SCREAMING QUEEN 👸 📣 🗣️ UNTIL THE WHOLE SYSTEM IS UN-FUCKED 🛠️ 🧼 🚿
What's actually happening
Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor publicly stated during a civics event at Mount Vernon that she hopes the court will overturn its 2024 ruling granting former presidents broad immunity for official acts. Sotomayor, who dissented from the original 6-3 decision, described the ruling and other recent court actions as "crazy" and expressed a desire for the judiciary to eventually correct its course.
Read the real reporting
Everything in the rant above is satire and should be treated as such. The summary and links are here so you can read the original reporting — and decide for yourself.
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