FLORIDA DEPUTY DUCT TAPES ANGRY SWAMP PUPPY
Local law enforcement decides that the best way to handle a prehistoric apex predator is with office supplies.
🚨🚨🚨 WAKE UP SHEEPLE 🐑 🐑 🐑 THE SWAMP IS LITERALLY COMING FOR YOUR CONDO 🐊 🏠 🌊 🌊 🌊 IN OSCEOLA COUNTY THE BOYS IN BLUE 👮♂️ 🚔 ARE OUT HERE PLAYING MACGYVER WITH A LITERAL DINOSAUR 🦖 🦖 🦖 THEY AREN'T USING TRANQUILIZERS 💉 🙅♂️ THEY AREN'T USING NETS 🕸️ 🙅♂️ THEY ARE USING DUCT TAPE 🎞️ 🎞️ 🎞️ FROM THE SUPPLY CLOSET 📎 📎 📎 TO MUZZLE A REPTILE 🐊 🤐 🤐 🤐 THIS IS THE FLORIDA EXPERIENCE 🍊 🌴 ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ YOU CAME FOR THE MOUSE 🐭 🏰 BUT YOU GOT THE GATOR 🐊 🦷 🦷 🦷 THE DEPUTY IS OUT HERE TAKING SELFIES 🤳 🤳 🤳 WITH A THRASHING BEAST 👹 👹 👹 LIKE IT'S A DAMN DISNEY CHARACTER 🐭 🎭 🎭 🎭 WE ARE LIVING IN A FEVER DREAM 🤒 🤒 🤒 WHERE THE LAW IS WRITTEN IN ADHESIVE 🩹 🩹 🩹 AND THE WILDLIFE IS JUST A NUISANCE TO BE TAPED UP 📦 📦 📦 AND TOSSED BACK 🌊 🌊 🌊 LONG LIVE THE SWAMP 🚩 🚩 🚩
What's actually happening
An Osceola County sheriff's deputy successfully captured a displaced alligator that had wandered into a residential area by using only his hands and a roll of duct tape to secure the animal's snout. The alligator was safely relocated to a nearby body of water, and the sheriff's office used the incident to remind the public not to approach or handle wildlife.
Read the real reporting
Everything in the rant above is satire and should be treated as such. The summary and links are here so you can read the original reporting — and decide for yourself.
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